Freaking out a bit
Okay so I know it has been a while but I am having a bit of a freak out right now. So I had to jot this down somewhere and here seemed like a good place. Bear with me during this minor breakdown as it may be premature but valid all the same.
I'll start by saying that I'm late. As in only a few days past my regular start date for my monthly friend. I am usually VERY regular. I usually start on Monday night or Tuesday morning. Granted it is only Thursday morning but still. I did recently start the pill but I don't remember it ever changing my cycle especially since they are what is supposed to keep you "regular". I'm already on my 5th white pill and haven't started. Is it crazy to freak out like this. I just don't remember not being regular.
Sad thing is I only just started having sex after an 8 month dryspell. And I was on the pill for 2 weeks before even thinking about having sex. Could it be that I could get pregnant the first time around again. WTH! This is not supposed to be happening. I can't afford another kid right now. I mean I will love the baby if I am but I am just not ready for another one.
I keep stressing on it now because I am finally getting into the swing of working and enjoying meeting all the people here in my office. Everyone is so nice and I really love what I do. There will be no way that I can continue working once I have the baby. Hello...It already costs too much for the boys to be in daycare. But if I don't work we won't be able to afford the bills. UGH! I am crying now just thinking about it. I mean I love kids...my kids...they are wonderful but I just don't think I can do it again right now.
Gabriel has been asking to have a sister and I just keep telling him "that's nice" and Julian has been teasing me about Gabriel and Diego wanting a sister. I am not near my family and they have helped me so much while I was pregnant. My mom was in the delivery room calming me down both times. Granted they were both easy pregnancies but I would want my mom here with me and she isn't. I don't think I can do it without her.
OMG I can't believe I am crying here at work. I have to stop writing for now. It is rather embarrassing to cry at work especially when it affects my voice and hello...I talk on the phone so I need it to sound right. lol. *sigh* I will keep you posted on my little freak out. Hopefully it is just that a freak out and I will start any time now. Bye for now. Jennifer
I'll start by saying that I'm late. As in only a few days past my regular start date for my monthly friend. I am usually VERY regular. I usually start on Monday night or Tuesday morning. Granted it is only Thursday morning but still. I did recently start the pill but I don't remember it ever changing my cycle especially since they are what is supposed to keep you "regular". I'm already on my 5th white pill and haven't started. Is it crazy to freak out like this. I just don't remember not being regular.
Sad thing is I only just started having sex after an 8 month dryspell. And I was on the pill for 2 weeks before even thinking about having sex. Could it be that I could get pregnant the first time around again. WTH! This is not supposed to be happening. I can't afford another kid right now. I mean I will love the baby if I am but I am just not ready for another one.
I keep stressing on it now because I am finally getting into the swing of working and enjoying meeting all the people here in my office. Everyone is so nice and I really love what I do. There will be no way that I can continue working once I have the baby. Hello...It already costs too much for the boys to be in daycare. But if I don't work we won't be able to afford the bills. UGH! I am crying now just thinking about it. I mean I love kids...my kids...they are wonderful but I just don't think I can do it again right now.
Gabriel has been asking to have a sister and I just keep telling him "that's nice" and Julian has been teasing me about Gabriel and Diego wanting a sister. I am not near my family and they have helped me so much while I was pregnant. My mom was in the delivery room calming me down both times. Granted they were both easy pregnancies but I would want my mom here with me and she isn't. I don't think I can do it without her.
OMG I can't believe I am crying here at work. I have to stop writing for now. It is rather embarrassing to cry at work especially when it affects my voice and hello...I talk on the phone so I need it to sound right. lol. *sigh* I will keep you posted on my little freak out. Hopefully it is just that a freak out and I will start any time now. Bye for now. Jennifer
posted by Jennifer @ 8:54 AM
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