frustrated, excited, saddened.

So I am feeling both frustration and excitement right now. I am frustrated because I have been on a "diet" and have been walking so fricken much but have seemed to gain 3 lbs. I know muscle weighs more but dang...you would think with the lack of junk food I have ingested would help but it hasn't. I love walking but feel like it isn't working out for me this time around. I even have been running...okay not for a long period at a time...I'm a big girl it doesn't come that easily for me to run long periods of time. But I have been walking 3-6 miles 4-5 times a week. Granted my legs look more muscular but not smaller. I even wear a sweatband around my waist and sweat it out. I am literally dripping with sweat by the time I get home...and yet nothing...just more. UGH!

Okay so I am so excited to be going back to Cali in a week. I am hoping for a better outcome this time around of course. I'm excited because Julian and I are taking the boys to Disneyland and I love Disneyland. Julian's parents are coming with us too. And they were great when we went last time. I want to get Diego his "Mickey" ears so he and Gabriel both have a pair.

My sister has had to move back in with my parents because she was evicted from her apartment. So far there hasn't been much drama there but I'm sure it is boiling and when I get there it might go over. I am not staying at my parents so I can avoid the drama before it starts. I am staying with my buddy Nancy. She just bought a condo in Camarillo that she is opening for me and the boys.

We are having a huge party for Gabriel on Saturday 30th. I love the parties we have in CA. And Dad (Julian's dad) is bbqing and he is the best. Julian's family is so wonderful with bringing side dishes and I love his aunt's potato salad...It's perfect! And his other aunt makes the best beans...yum. I can taste everything now...my mouth is watering. Not to leave Diego out, we will be having a party when we go to pick them up in Aug. Even though it isn't his birthday I want him to have a party for himself there which is shared with everyone in the family.

I am saddened knowing that the boys will be without me for 7 weeks. I know they are in good hands with Julian's family but doesn't mean that I think I can't do better...lol. Julian's parents are stoked of course to have them for the summer. They plan to do tons of fun things. I wish I could be there with them to share their excitement. I know it will be rough to not have them around but hopefully I can get things done while they are gone.

I'm hoping to get a side job to get some extra cash and to keep my mind off missing the boys. I mean I can't stop missing them but pre-occupying my time will help. Make the time go by fast I suppose. I would like to stop living paycheck to paycheck you know. It sucks not being able to shop like I did before and not worry about waiting for the next check to come in.